new term !!

this is the new term, btw how i feel so anxious, it bothers me a lot. I feel a lot of uncomfortableness, nonetheless i still have to fight for it !! i have to be better in the future, i have to do something that useful for me !! i won't give up just because my ex-friends give up on me, I'll never give up for my self !! I need to fight !! this 2nd term should be mine if i want to fight to the end !!! yow !!! fight !!!!!! never give up !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! fighting for the whole semester !!! it's a must !!!!!! yey !! aja aja !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! yuhuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu..semangat meta !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  ^^

hola,long time no see
i haven't been writing for almost a month, fiuhh pretty long right ??
you know what, last week i sent my essay and well i get selected for APDSA in thailand, surely i literally wanna go there, but there are many worrisome things, like my close friends didn't get elected so it looks like i have to find a new companion, since i think if you are going somewhere, your dream place, you surely wanna go with someone close, so you won't be alone. but the fate says another thing, it looks like i need to find new friends..omo ! not only that, i'm rally afraid that this congress will spend a lot of money, i keep thinking how to pay for it. Of course i wanna go but if the cost is too high so i guess i'll just forget about it.sad, huh ??
yeah, sometimes life feels unfair, particularly for me.It feels like i have done so many things, i have tried really hard to get what i want  yet in the end i ( probably ) couldn't go.well this is really disappointing . because i'm eager to go, you know one of dreams is going to some place well by myself or together away from home, away from all problems i just wanna enjoy myself for once. I really really really want to go.Now, i'm just waiting and expecting a miracle to be happened , God knows i don't have that much money to  go, but i really wanna go. i just wish that God could hear me and He knows about my problem. That's it.at least the cost could get cheaper..i wish that i could go to Thailand. really this is a great opportunity and i can't just let it go..But, I'm sure and i believe God will give me the best, He allows to get selected so it's possible that He also allows me to go..God please hear my pray..I wanna go, really wanna go,,but i can't make it heavier for my daddy..He has already stressed with all these and i don't want to make him get burdened about my problems. Please God i need your guidance, just show me the best way of all this. I know you are the only who could help me.. Please God,, thanks a lot. I love you.

vocabularies

today i wanna share some vocabularies which i have learned in my toefl's course
1. Haida : red indians
2. Carve : memahat, mengukir
3. Totem poles : tiang lambang suku
4. To worship : to pray to
5. coat of arms : lambang
6. status : position, prestige
7. master : adj. *expert ahli
                       *skillful
8. figures : bentuk, gambar
9. honor : respect
10.a great deal : banyak ( uncountable )
11. Petty : small, minor, trivial inconsiderable, little importance
12. Visual : slide
13. Anxious : worried
14. go : develop, become
15.get something over with : to reach the end of something unpleasant or troublesome
16. jog someone memory : to make someone remember
17.back up : alternative
18.stuff : material
19.to get on with : to continue
20.imply : to suggest indirectly
21.unsupervise : tidak diawasi
22.institution : organization
23.criteria : standards, measures
24.initiation : introduction
25.enforcement : implementation
26.agencies :departments
27.force : angkatan
28.paraphernalia : accessories
29 turf : an area claimed by a group of people as it's own
30.to follow up : to continue
31.an eye opener : a surprising event
32.stages : steps
33.locker : a small cabinet
34.look up to : respect, admire  vs look down on
35. peewee : one that is relatively small
36. banger : noisy old car
37.hardcore: the small center group
38.assessment : judgement
39.extended : enlarge
40.naive : childlike
41.sort of : kind of, rather, in some degree
42.spending money : pocket money

that's the end for today...happy learning !!! ^^

2011

these few days, have been the hardest days. Unpleasant family, exams, and so on. Seriously, i feel rather depressed. Perhaps, if i don't think realistically i could go mad. Actually, I really wanna be alone for some time, i wanna have some spare time for myself, to evaluate every single thing that i had done in 2010. Nonetheless, i know i wouldn't have that precious time , at least for now. Since, i still have many responsibilities, either its family or school. there were times, that i wanna give up and make time stop. But again, i know i can't. Time keeps going on and all i can do just adapt myself into it. But, although this new year is ( again ) hardly special, or i could say not special at all. I have a wish that one day, i could achieve my dream to be a good dentist, entrepreneur , skilled writer and many more , a great one of course. I really hope that all my sacrifice  for now won't be a waste. I really have so many dreams i wanna be rich, make my parents happy, help the poor and have some spare time just for myself. I really wish that what i'm doing now is not such a waste. I hope all my dreams would come true. And i believe if we wanna work hard, so God will open the " lucky door " for us. I have already given up the love thingy, really, i guess i would be okay if i don't have a couple for the rest of my life. that's really all right , but i just wanna God help me in achieving all my dreams. This is really something for me, only these dreams which could make me survive for 18 years of my life. I don't have anything, i just have these beautiful dreams. And i wish God can help me in accomplishing my dreams. Start tomorrow, I will work hard, harder than anyone else !!! i believe, if i wanna work hard , God will make it true !! and i Believe I caN !! Fighting !! bassya !!! you can do it met !!!!!!!!!!!!! ^^

p.s : you will achieve you biggest dreams one day. you will ! 2011!! fighting !!! you can do it !!

Ayaka Lida : okaeri....( she is a great singer ) ^^

i really like this song,,this song reminds me of  warm feelings,,it feels like you are in a place where you own that place and feel happy about it..it's really a nice song ^^

of course, i have so many issues which i need to deal with,but it will never stop me from getting what i want..maybe my expectations about my shoes are going too high, even so.i would just never give up...it's hard for me to like something...but once i like it i will never want to lose it..and i won't acknowledge lost if i haven't tried it...simple..

you know,I'm not that smart, pretty or even talented ,,however, i have something that maybe the others don't have. : THE WILLINGNESS TO HAVE SOMETHING AND MAKE IT BIG ... i realize I LOVE PERFECTION AND EVEN IT DOESN'T LOOK LIKE IT, I STILL MAKE IT MY LIFESTYLE.... ( the greens show that i love my high school so bad !! )

Perfection makes me now,,if..only if one day i become successful , i will never forget what i am now and how i am ... me is still myself,,it wouldn't change to anything,,even if some alteration would be needed hehe..

but,,i will know deep inside my heart, i wouldn't change,no matter how rich or how great I'm...

I'm still me..........

wish me luck guys..!!!

God bless ^^

I really don't know if i need to stop or not.
i was so hopeless in every aspect..
first, it's about my shoes, i feel so tired to cover all these things,,it's like i'm alone and i have no one to give me some aid..
i'm near to death..i think everything that i do is so useless...it's not fair..i work hard for this and i get nothing in return..do i demand too much????? 
second,,i was planning to forget about everything about her,,i was planning to..but i don't have any strength to do that,,deep inside of me i still hate her and everything that she has,
why, she also takes away my friends,,she is such a biatch !!!
often, i really wanna kill her and make her saying sorry ,,begging for forgiveness and disappear from my sight, i absolutely want to..
i just wanna live in a world,,far far and far away,,where i can't she her and all the people that i hate,,i gathered much hatred and i wanna just throw it..but.i can't,too many people who make me disappointed .i will never ever forgive them and i'm planning to bring this hatred till i die..by that time,,i will make sure.THAT THEY CANNOT BEAT ME......YOU ARE FUCKERS.
it's a promise..one day all of you will regret it...you will.

Today, i was really jealous and feeling little. Actually it has happened yesterday, but now, i'm feeling it again. Seeing ADe and Vicky shu,,really makes me feel jealous, they are beautiful , smart, and succeed..i'm wondering,,when i could be like that,,i feel like a mouse in front of them..seeing them shining so brightly ,,they are really my idol...i really  wanna be like Ade or Vicky shu..they are talented in art..i don't have any talent like that. i know..but, i think i have some talent in ..............( don't need to tell )hehehe.. let it be my secret..

they are great people..i really admire them,,but i think if i work hard and focus on my goal,,one day,, i don't know when,,i could be like them.. ^^..in order to meet my dream, i need to work hard, keep my spirit on and never give up also always pray..i know GOd must be having some great plans for me,,and i have to get it..i wanna make my family specially may parents  and my brother proud of me..i also wanna make me proud to myself..rather nuts huh???
 but,i'm not just going to give,,i';; show to the world,,who i really am...i really don't mind to work hard..as long as it will create something..it's okay for me...
God please help me to pas these difficult moments..i believe you would help me,,let me be strong and always count on you no matter happens, i believe you would never let me down..
please help me God..please,,i just wish that Fernanda is not lying..i really wish..please help me God..^^
thanks a lot..^^